Sometimes You Want to Forget...

Sometimes you just want to forget things like 9/11. I've found that's how I deal with things...denial...burying deep the uncomfortable things in life. However, I was constantly reminded of it today at work as I dated pages and pages of paperwork with today’s date and it took me back to where I was 8 yrs ago. My life was in no way impacted like the lives of those who lost that day, but I think most would agree with me when I say that I will never forget…

I know exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard the news.

I was only 21 and engaged to marry Patrick and it was about 6:30am California time...it was dark. I called my boss to let her know I would be running late because I needed to stop at the store before I came in to work. She said, "Haven't you heard what has happened?" I'm sure my call seemed so trivial at the moment. I turned on the news and I couldn't believe what I saw...it seemed so surreal.

Then my thoughts ran to my Dad. He does a lot of business on the east coast, and I knew he was back east...I was unsure of where he was at or where he was going or which flight he was on. I called my mom immediately to make sure my Dad wasn't on any of those flights…he was safe and sound.

Then it was time to go to work.

The fire district I worked for sponsors California Task Force 3: Urban Search & Rescue Team...over half of the department was on the team and had 24 hours to mobilize and get to Travis Air Force Base where they would be picked up and taken directly to ground zero to begin search and rescue operations. It was madness. This team had trained and drilled for months and even years; and while they were well prepared for the task that lie ahead no amount of training could prepare them to deal with such devastation.

That initial moment will always be very clear in my mind...like slow motion, and then everything after that is pretty much a blur...my memory consists more of emotions and tones and movement than any sort of real memory. If I had to describe my experience at the fire district for the next few months following that day I would say it was overwhelming, dark and somber.

It’s strange for me to think that it was only three months following this tragedy that Patrick and I started our new life together. I felt blessed that I got to end the year that way…I felt blessed to have the person I loved most still with me…

Because a lot of things were lost that day…heroes, family, friends, co-workers, our sense of security and stability…with such devastating losses it seemed that time should stop right there…but it didn’t.

There are now voids where significant people or important ideals used to dwell…and whether we want to remember or not, deep down we all know that we will never forget.